COUPLES RETREAT 2009

I'm aware that I've not been doing this very long, but I've been mindful that the only films that I've reviewed have been ones that I have an interest in or have gone out of my way to see. So, after an afternoon in a beer garden enjoying the last day of the summer before the dark nights draw in, my girlfriend and I settled down on the sofa to opt for one of the films showing on the Sky Movie Channels. Back to the Future II was one choice, Marley and Me another, and finally Couples Retreat. Normally I would be straight onto Marty McFly and the tiny void left by the absent Crispin Glover, but a voice inside my head said to me, 'Go on, do something different'. It may have been the cider consumed that day, or it may have been guilt for making the girlfriend sit through anything sci-fi, but whatever it was I decided I would deviate. I couldn't quite bring myself to Marley and Me so I went for the safer ground of a couple of hours in the company of Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau, stars of Swingers, one of my favourites. A couple of hours with those two couldn't be so bad.



The first thing to mention is the plot. I use this word in the loosest possible sense of the word. I'll mention it briefly but I'm not going to waste much more time bothering to explain it, because the makers of the film clearly didn't think it was particularly important either. 4 couples, varying levels of happiness, 1 couple (Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell) decide to go to Eden, a marriage counselling resort based in paradise but they manage to convince the other 3 couples to go as it makes it cheaper for them. That's it. No one has to book time off, decide how they are going to afford it (despite one of the characters admitting he is debt in his opening scene). However, these extra couples only agree to go on the condition that they do not have to undergo any counselling, they just want to go on jet skis. But is that how it turns out.....?

Oh the hilarity ensues. Well it would have done had there actually been any jokes in the film. Never have I laughed so little. One chuckle and that was Peter Serafinowicz saying 'My name is Stanley, with a C'. The film seems to rely on having un-funny dialogue and hoping that the charisma and delivery of the cast can elevate it to comedic heights. Except, the cast don't actually bother. They turn up and say some words, and that'll be it. These people do have comic timing, Other than Favreau and Vaughn, Jason Bateman is a great comic actor, Kristen Davis from Sex and The City showed plenty of promise in the tv series. What happened here then?

Then when it is clear that this method is proving unsuccessful, it attempts to have a go at visual comedy set pieces. However these are handled all the subtlety and craft of a bulldozer. There is a scene involving sharks which I'm sure was meant to bring the house down with laughter but it's a patchwork quilt of a scene - it looks as though they have literally not bothered to think about it. 'Morning Vince and Jon. Take one. That'll do. Let's sunbathe'.



I'm happy to admit that this film isn't my cup of tea and I am clearly not the target audience, but what really offended me is at the end when there was a 'message'. Really? Are you serious? You're going to lecture us on how relationships should be? Do me a favour. When this happens things get really bad though, the dialogue moves from being just unfunny, to clunky and extracted from greetings cards. And the film immediately feels too long. Days too long.

Jean Reno is in it too. He should know better. And Vince Vaughn must be on the brink of becoming the most irritating individual in cinema at the moment. Shia Lebeouf is keeping him off top spot at the moment.

What really takes the biscuit is that this was co-written by Jon Favreau. He wrote Swingers for goodness sake, some of the best dialogue from the last couple of decades. What has happened?

Please do not see this film, do not contribute any more money towards it and do not encourage these people to think they can get away with putting together a film with no through, talent and care. Do they really think we are all stupid enough to put up with this unimaginative dross? Talented film makers everywhere are struggling to get money together to put together their labours of love and this sort of dross takes up space in our multi-plexes and dvd shops.

People. Everyone. Singletons. Couples. Retreat from this film.