PIRANHA 3D

I thought long and hard about which film to kick this all off with and I ultimately opted for the last film I saw at the pictures.



My trip to see Piranha 3D did not come without sacrifice. My new year's resolution was to avoid multiplexes. The closest I allowed myself to a cinema chain was the lovely Picturehouse venues (Clapham Common and The Ritzy in Brixton are great places for a trip to the flicks). Earlier this year I decided against seeing Predators (the release of which I was eagerly awaiting) because the only place I could find showing it was the monstrosity that is Cineworld in Wandsworth. However, when it came to Piranha 3D the dilemma became ever greater - this film was only showing in 3D, if I waited for DVD would I miss the majority of the fun to be had with such an obvious B-movie, seemingly aimed directly at my love of Monster Movies.

After two weeks of wrestling with my conscious, searching listings, hoping it would be shown at the Electric in Notting Hill as a last minute surprise to patrons, I agreed to see it with a friend from work who's cinema trips are now limited with the arrival of a new born child, the decision justified because I was doing it for someone else - a selfless act.

So how did the film fare on a balmy Tuesday evening after work on an empty stomach?

The one thing that everyone will know about this film is that Kelly Brook stars. Is she any good? Yes she is actually, making a pretty good stab at her limited dialogue. Her first line in the film is one of a number of laughs in the film and sets the tone - trashy and tongue-in-cheek, a real 'Carry On' vibe. She even cries at one stage. I can't see an Oscar nomination in her future but she's come a long way from struggling with auto-cues on the Big Breakfast. There are some other familiar faces - Ving Rhames playing the tough guy (again), Elizabeth Shue putting in a good turn as the feisty female sheriff, the legendary Christopher Lloyd playing a slightly mad doctor type (shock - I half expected him to say at one stage the only way to kill the beasts was 1.21 giga watts) and a cracking little cameo from Richard Dreyfuss. Jerry O'Connell almost steals the show as the nasty piece of work in the film. I say almost stealing the show because anyone going to see this film only does so for one real reason: The Piranhas. Any supporting characters don't really matter, they are merely in attendance to be served up.

The truth is the Piranhas themselves are fairly disappointing. They lack any real character or distinctiveness and I think this is caused by relatively poor effects and creature design. Consequently this means that the enduring memories of the teethy fish are from above the water, bubbles and blood simmering beneath the victims. The real joy to be had is in the gore though. And what gore there is. This film is an 18. I was starting to wonder whether I would ever see an 18 again that didn't involve drills, chainsaws and Eastern European backpacking holidays. But this is back to what 18 certificates should be, over the top gore. The big carnage scene is a wonderfully crafted splatterfest with some fantastically creative deaths causing some real 'turn away' moments. A special mention should also go to the sound. There are some horrific sound effects, chomps and crunches as prehistoric dentures bite through bone, to accompany the bloody visuals that mean shutting your eyes will never put you fully at ease.

Across film land at the moment there is a debate about whether 3D is really adding anything. This film will not assist either camp conclusively. There are some nice touches at times with things pointing out of the screen and making you jump, but the mediocre special effects never really make this a jaw dropping experience. If anything, this film suggests that 3D can easily continue to be a gimmicky selling point for the horror genre. There is also a scene where Kelly Brook and a fellow female thespian seem to promote the use of 3D in quite another genre which somehow seems to fit in the film despite being clearly aimed at Nuts readers.

So would I recommend this film to anyone? Yes I would, but certainly not everyone. Its an acquired taste and needs to be taken with a large helping of salt. The acting is decent at best, the monsters are gruesome but not scary, the deaths have a splash of blood and humour. Its probably what you'd expect but may just exceed your expectations because it pulls it all of with a bit of style. The first good B Movie since the under-rated 8 Legged Freaks, and the film Snakes on a Plane wanted to be. Perfect Saturday night popcorn fodder.